I guess today I have a few things I want to write about. First, I’ve decided to be done with my hiatus from art and studying. I needed a mental break so I didn’t get discouraged and start to associate those things with being in pain. I miss them now and I feel motivated to do them again, but in a way that I don’t overdo it. I have a tendency to do things “all in one sitting” and I plan on breaking this habit. So my to-do list for the upcoming months is something like this:
-paint, and figure out how to draw without causing joint pain
-Learn Irish Jigs on the mandolin
-regular light exercise
I’m not necessarily feeling better than when I started taking a break. I’m just feeling more motivated now. I’m hoping I can concentrate well enough to keep up with studying. I’d really like to actually take a class in the spring semester but I’ll play it by ear.
In other news, at my condo complex, there have been tree chippers chopping trees down for reasons unbeknownst to me. The Condo-owners association doesn’t seem to keen on telling people these things. Anyway, I can plot out my headache schedule on the calendar like clockwork, so this week was already doomed to be headache week. The tree chipping compounded my headaches because of the pollen it kicked up. I took my dog out to wee-wee before bed, and when I got back I had a massive headache that kept me up all night, and lasted into the next day. I’m having a continued issue with my trigeminal nerve. Once the pain fires up in that nerve there really isn’t anything I can do to get rid of it. It’s probably a step under the worst pain I’ve ever felt. There’s a reason why Trigeminal Neuralgia is also called the Suicide Disease. I don’t know if I have nerve damage but I know I wanted to slap myself in the face because it felt better than the pain I was dealing with. I think I’d rather be in labor.
My headaches are sort of predictable because of my period. They always happen at the end of my flow. I do get headaches in between that are unpredictable but I know for sure I’m in for a 3-day-er when it’s period time. My period was 3 days late this time, which was weird considering my periods have been a week early for the past few months. I’m just gonna chalk it up to the changes in medicines and all my health issues taking their toll at once. Sometimes I think it would be easier to be a dude. I can’t say for sure though.
I showered today standing up. Normally I’ve been using a shower chair but it’s time consuming to shower sitting down and I just wanted to be real quick. Bad idea. I was reminded of why I started showering sitting in the first place. bending over to wash and shave and reach the soap gives me a terrible headache.
I’ve been playing phone tag with my Rheumatologist’s office. I’m trying to see if my different insurance approved the Benlysta infusion treatments for my Lupus. I’m kind of tired of how long all this stuff takes. I’m tired of waiting. I’m tired of the “see you in a few months” thing. Maybe it doesn’t seem long to them but it’s an eternity to me. It’s like “HELLO, while your twiddling your thumbs I’m busy feeling like poop over here!” I don’t know, dudes.
Last but not least, I’ve been thinking for a long time about how I want to get out and do something to raise awareness for all the things I am battling. I’ve always wanted to write a speech, but lately I’ve been thinking it would be more fun to turn it into a monologue, something that makes people laugh. There are lots of different things on my mind, like speaking in high school health classes, EMT and nursing intro classes, health fairs, improv clubs. I’ll have to swallow my stage fright but I know it would be worth it.